Perhaps this isn’t the kind of post that gets me lots of views or shares, but recently, I’ve found myself paying far too much attention in analytics and stopped writing for the fact, that that’s genuinely what I enjoy doing.
I’ve got a little lost lately trying to find what it is I love writing about; shadowing it with posts that may do well but actually, aren’t all that personable. Nothing I can sink my teeth into.
And that’s the main point of all of this int it; it’s a way of channeling all my ideas and thoughts in one place and making them useful. And I don’t feel all that useful lately.
Bit of a gloomy post for a very sunny Friday I realise, sorry about that.
Believe it or not, I’m actually in a pretty good mood today. I’m feeling all glam with my new hair, I got a coffee on the way to work and made it on time for the first time in I-don’t -even-know-how-long. It’s almost lunchtime and I’ve successfully spoke about last night’s Oreo milkshake for half an hour and I’m feeling super motivated about booking into Pilates classes and I’m off for a weekend on the beach with my dad and I’ve got the sun being a babe and giving me a right arm tan through my desk window and actually, I had a pretty regimented blog post planned for today and just thought, fuck it.
I want to write about how I feel and what’s going on in my life. I want to moan about everything crappy and laugh about the things we can all relate to. I want to bake again and make the time to get back into those posts that I really enjoyed sharing and I just felt like I needed to ramble on for a bit. Even if nobody reads this.
You know those moments you get, when you’re on the train to work, looking out the window, pretending to be in a music video (and don’t deny it, because I know for sure, that we all do it) and you feel like you’ve got the whole world chipping at you, and then you spill coffee down your white gypsy top and then you get your bag trapped in the seat, just as the train starts bleeping at your station, ready to take off and you think, bloody hell – is this genuinely it for me?
Yeah, maybe not all of those specifics but I’m guessing you know sorta, kinda what I’m getting at. My point is, that maybe it’s my choice on whether or not this is it for me. Life as I know it. Maybe, if I just stopped feeling sorry for myself, stopped thinking that things were impossible or saying that I’ll do things and never do, I wouldn’t find myself in such a rut. Maybe if I just took the time to realise that if things aren’t exactly how I want it, I need to find out how it needs to change, and just change it.
And this brings me to now. I’m hungry, counting the last 20 minutes until lunch time, there’s about 5 of us in the office and I can almost guarantee that at least 4 of us aren’t doing any work. I keep thinking about all of the good food in M&S calling my name and I only have £15 in my bank account and I’m thinking I’ve just got to stop moaning and sort my life out.
I don’t know what’s going to come of thehouseofthegreen and maybe I don’t need anything to. But I do know that I just need to be me again and if long chatty lists about life aren’t your thing then that’s just going to have to do.
You should never settle for your current life if something is getting you down.
I’m done settling, I just want to be happy and if I’m not a sassy, productive, positive lifestyle goddess come Monday, somebody needs to give me a slap and remind me of this.