Iyaaa – it’s me, posting on a bloody Wednesday. Who’d have thought it.
I’ve wanted to put pen to paper (metaphorically) for a while now about my feelings. It’s difficult though, because I don’t like to do that very often – not reaaally talk about it. And I don’t really know why.
If I think back to the things I have experienced and some of the things I’ve had to go through in my 26 years, I do sit back and think fuuuuuck, how am I actually normal?!
And when it comes down to it, I really am. Normal, I mean.
And I’m grateful about every little thing that has happened, no matter what.
Since I’ve moved house, my mind has shifted like crazy – it kinda feels like an open plot of land where I’m just sat with a cuppa in the sun, staring out to the beach or the country and I can kinda hear the breeze and maybe the trees and that’s it. It’s been bloody refreshing.
There are days, obviously, where I ignore this feeling and work myself up thinking about everything that is going on that ‘could be better’ or things that I find stressful. Most of the time, that’s about money or worrying about others or getting panicky about my life feeling over and running out of time when actually, I just need to chill the fuck out- – sit on my deck chair in my open plot of land and calm down.
I’m 27 this year and it scares me that in 3 years time I’ll be 30. But the more I keep thinking about it, the more I realise that 3 years ago was super different to how it is now. Like almost life changing-ly different. So why do I worry that time is just gonna stop and I’ll be stuck in the same place? Shits gonna happen and I should be excited. I have years years to live the best life. And worrying that I don’t have enough money now doesn’t mean that I’ll never have money. Worrying that I’ll be in the same job until I’m 60 is plain stupid. Worrying that I’ll never buy a house and if I don’t save to travel now I’ll never go.
I don’t know why I worry.
It’s all about attitude isn’t it. If I get up in the morning and the sun is shining, and I tell myself I’m going to have a good day – most of the time, I actually do. If I wake up angry that I’m at work, moaning about the weather or wake up stressing about something – it usually means I’ll spend the entire day in a phunk.
Let’s stop that. I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying or getting stressed. We are humans.
But I’ll choose to be happy, most of the time. And so far that seems to be working.
Surround yourself by happy people, always think about the good things, stop to enjoy the moments you want to enjoy. Don’t bother with the things that are going to get you down.
I’ve always been an advocate for taking a mental health day – the days I might not be sick but that I’m genuinely too tired for life. It’s super important for my wellbeing to make sure I get regular time off. And don’t get me wrong – my current time at work is a bit of a breeze but I made that happen. I changed how things were instead of accepting that’s just how it was. Take a bloody day off if you need it.
That’s kinda all I wanted to say. I just wanted to remind myself somehow that I’m in a good place. Which is strange because I’ve got £5.04 in my bank account and usually I’d be freaking out.
Without sounding like a cheesy shit, life is what you make it.
I have all of these plans, and I know that I’ll get there. It’s just about taking your time.
Photo by Alessandra Caretto – this is a photo of how my mind feels, when it feels good.