Throwback to my post last month when I touched upon the troubles of turning 25. Although I’ve been royally stitched up in a lot of ways, (mainly referring to the debt and 2 stone in weight I’ve acquired), I have also learnt a crazy amount about myself. Maybe it’s all irrelevant shit that I already had hiding somewhere in my very full jeans but it’s all shit that I’ve realised this past 6 months and whilst you might not care, I thought I’d document it anyway.
Up until the 25th year of my life, I’ve been all over keeping everything sentimental. I’m kinda done with keeping all of my old shit, leaving it down to the really special bits of junk. I now de-clutter like there is no tomorrow.
I’m either a massive procrastinator or I can’t wait to get things done. There’s not really an in between.
My self-esteem is really low – I’ve always been a teeny bit insecure but so far this year, my weight has really affected me and I catch myself beating myself up about it more often than I know I should. I Insta-stalk far toooo much and I know secretly that affects me.
I don’t have time for half-hearted friendships – I barely find the time to see my best friends and my cute babies. This year I’ve had to let go a little otherwise I’ll feel pressure to cling on to friendships for the sake of having them and truthfully I haven’t got the time, money or energy.
I really like coconut milk –2018 has revolutionized my latte’s.
It’s not exercise I hate, it’s routine – I started this year in the gym and actually for a while, was doing really well. I don’t get why it happens, but without fail I lose motivation to keep it up. It’s almost like I lost a few pounds and was like that’ll doooo. Then I started going to a few different exercise classes down the road and I loved them. It’s been a couple of months now and I’m still buzzing every time I leave a class. They’re fucking pricey so it’s hard to keep it up but it’s definitely the mind numbing feeling of doing the same shit every day that encourages me to do a ‘nahhhh’ to exercise. If it’s exercise disguised as fun, I’m all downnn.
I’m a massive comfort eater – Celebrating? Let’s get some good unhealthy food in. Miserable? Let’s get some good unhealthy food in. Bored? Find something to eat. Procrastinating? Go to the snack table. See my issue?
I’m a massive comfort shopper – If I’m not buying food when I’m sad or stressed, I’m buying something I don’t need. Not ideal for my bank balance. I’ve accepted this issue though, now I just need help plz.
Aside from my lack of willpower to eat and buy unnecessary shit, I’ve discovered this year that I’m actually incredibly strong. Without getting too deep, life has actually been really tough and somehow I’ve managed to stay half sane through it all. Although not everyday is fab, things are slowly getting better and I know I can see a day again where everything is normal.
Shit, that was deep… sorry.
I’m an angry driver – I’m pretty patient most days but since driving, I know I get a bit of road rage. WHY DO PEOPLE DRIVE 10 MILES PER HOUR PLZ?! I have however just brought a brand new car and I’m so nervous to wreck it that I’ve been driving like Miss Daisy.
I have no idea how to fake tan – like as much as I try I really haven’t got a clue how people keep it up. Pale for life.
This year I’ve tried to be really good at seizing the day and being social and spontaneous and keeping myself busy and although I feel sooo much better about saying yes to things when secretly I want to be in bed watching Love Island, I do know that it takes a lot for me to fancy going out out. Like, I’m wellllll up for an occasional piss up but actually couldn’t think of anything worse than spending every weekend hungover. Get me a film, bit of dinner and some ice-cream anydaaaay.
I write my last point at work on my second glass of prossecco before a night with my work favs which is ironic. It’s currently 36 degrees in London and I’m close to calling it a day and admitting defeat. I have zero pound in my bank and actually the happiest I have been in a long time. Things are good, 2018 has been good. Which with no holiday, no money and no idea what I’m doing with my life, is pretty good going.
Here’s to the next 6 months.